John Allsopp

Professionally engineered Internet solutions for humans

Radiohead: 29 September 2008: There. It happened again. I'm not quite sure how it came about, but a friend wrote on my Facebook wall that "Radiohead are a most excellent band and when I let them in I'll be pleased".; I enjoy not letting Radiohead in. Saying I don't like Radiohead causes the same facial expressions as I imagine I'd get if I wandered into a bar in Utah and said "I don't believe in Jesus", and for me it raises issues of how we revere music and of the industry's control of what music we like. The honest truth is, it's not my style of music. I don't like his vocal style, and it's not energetic enough. Actually I prefer Britney (that is both true, and it's here just to wind people up). And when I say Radiohead aren't energetic enough people send me clips of tracks where they are energetic and it's like being in the night of the living dead where the 'monsters' don't just want my flesh, they want my mind too. It's like being in a cult, being brainwashed.; It has to do with my mental invention in 1977 of a computer screen in the local record shop (Selectadisc) into which you might type "the fall" and out of which might fall "people who liked 'the fall' also liked The Nazi Bum Bandits, Peters and Lee, and scraping their nails down a blackboard", and my realisation that you couldn't trust people's taste because it was dictated at the time by the NME (it really was).; So this reverence of Radiohead really scares me. I don't like them, end of. I don't have to like them. My musical taste is in my control, I decide where it goes. This isn't a friend telling me about, say, Duffy .. that happened when her first single came out and sure, that was of course the record industry doing its thing and getting it played on the radio and so on, but if you don't like Duffy no-one haunts you about it. This is everyone telling me I should like Radiohead.; So, what controls our musical taste now? If Radiohead did what they've done without putting something in our water supplies, then well done them, but I'd prefer to listen to someone else. Maybe I would agree with every single one of their principles and messages, but hey, worse things happen at sea. I can live without them, life goes on.; The nub of this is the feeling people seem to have that I 'should' like Radiohead. Honestly, it scares me, because it's the same mass flocking and peer pressure that does dangerous things in society. I value my individuality. It's not immobility, and it's not awkwardness and it's not being stuck. It's knowing myself and hearing that over marketing, and it's being comfortable with being outside looking in sometimes. I think that's a good thing. In fact I'm off to create a Facebook group called "I don't like Radiohead" where me and three others can flock together and ... err, no, hang on a minute.
The Bailout: 26 September 2008: I'm now feeling a little more positive about the bailout, here's the New York Times report on yesterday's arguments. Perhaps the point is that this is so awful that it's the moment governments worldwide realised, and the financial world did too, that balance is needed. And perhaps some control will be taken back by governments. And since we elect governments, at least we get something.
Composition: 25 September 2008: Photographic composition has always seemed to me to be something that separates me from a proper photographer (they've got it, I haven't). It seems to be something I could learn that would elevate my photographs beyond the usual. So I've been seeking a way forward with that for years, and the problem is people look a bit blankly at you when you wonder about it. Even proper artists claim not really to know much about it.; There's the rule of thirds, that comes up. But .. sure. There's more to it. I know there's more to it.; It could just be that thing that happens to me when someone says "so, I just need to know the secret of Internet marketing" and the secret is: spend your life in marketing, learn about writing good copy, taking good images, usability and accessibility, psychology, about how links and search engines work, keywords, how to manage the numbers, how to test, how to get traffic, and a gazillion other things. Then melt it all together and you have instant success. Maybe good composition is just spending your life in art.; Anyway, I finally found a book: Photography - the art of composition (Krages). It doesn't so much give you rules as get you thinking about the principles using practical exercises.; So I went out on the first exercise the other day, which was to photograph rocks as 'points', a point being the simplest element of a composition. Here's what I took with the snappy camera, rate them if you like.; And something interesting happened.; After a while I got bored with holding the camera either horizontally or vertically. I started to think in the abstract and just arrange the elements in the image according to what worked compositionally for me, rather than trying to 'represent' something real.; And that stuck. Here's a picture of Kanba without regard for ninety degrees.; So .. bloody good exercise and book, I've improved already.
Innocentive: 25 September 2008: Experience tells me the reward won't cover the effort required but Innocentive seems at least to contain some projects. Yeah, there's no adjective there. Interesting? Nah. Worthwhile? Hmm. Just, some projects. If one grabs you then it'll light up your life, but maybe I think it's unlikely you'll find one that you can answer. So yes, that's it. Worth checking in case there's a project like "Lovely company wants an Internet marketing campaign for their fabulous product, unlimited budget, do it when you want, we pay before you send the invoice and we buy you a beer at Christmas. Would prefer someone called John".; I might be in a funny mood.
youTube celebrities: 23 September 2008: Goodness me, I didn't quite realise there's an A list of YouTube celebrities. I mean, if I'd thought about it for a second I guess it would have made sense. Anyway. Have a browse and maybe learn something about how to drive youTube.
Women: 22 September 2008: I just read this article, what men don't get about women and nodded in agreement all the way through. What I don't understand is the vitriol in the comments. Does that not back up her premise that "most men are awful"? Oh well.
100 months: 22 September 2008: Apparently there are just 100 months in which to save the planet, so says this authoritative article in the Grauniad.
We Heart John McCain (not): 21 September 2008: I'm just working on some social bookmarking stuff and this popped up, it's a fairly offensive 'sod off' to John McCain's apparent use, without permission, of a song by Heart (who? must be an American thing) at the convention. Heart took offence. Apparently. If it's genuine. No idea. But funny anyway. In a crude kinda way. I really hope it's a genuine ad. It can't be. Can it? Made me laff anyway.
Writing: 21 September 2008: Hmm. So here I am publicising this thinning hair / hair loss blog .. not all my writing by any means, and there's a site called BlogCritics.org in which good writing prevails.; A quick search for thinning hair turns up this article about John McCain apparently calling his wife a c*** after she referred to his thinning hair, which besides the distastefulness of that word is a very well written piece.; And so are the other articles on there I've seen.; So the question is. How do I make my writing about the Belgravia Centre good enough to survive in BlogCritics? C'mon John. Are you good enough?
W.O.W: 21 September 2008: There seems some resistance to this research award, or maybe it's jealousy, but anyway, researching cultural differences like that sounds absolutely fascinating to me. And it's really not a lot of money.
Computing: 20 September 2008: I find computing very male. It almost requires an illness. Listen to geeks talking it's completely mental. They joust all the time for position. I can't be doing with it. So I use old computers and old phones and tell them it's powered by a rubber band.; There is swearing in this blog, btw; I was in the local coffee shop getting my beans ground and I overheard a conversation: "well I put in a 20 gigabonk graphics card and thirty feet of RAMs and added sideways cache .. "; I built the computer I'm using. Well, I mean, I didn't smelt the ore, I just plugged bits together. But I built the computer I'm using and I couldn't tell you what's inside it. Couldn't care less. So long as I don't have to feed whatever's inside I'm happy.; Actually the only thing I know is inside my computer is a metal flower so the CPU is cooled silently and the computer doesn't even intrude aurally into my life.; For me, computers, but more importantly the Internet, are/is about people. The Internet is two or more people connected by wiring shit. The wiring shit isn't important in the slightest, any more than what handset you're using when you're having a phone conversation is important. It's the conversation.; So it irritates the fuck out of me that women aren't more prominent in the development of the Internet.; Because what it means is: men will always dominate. Because they are single minded. So they win geek conversations and rise to the top, but still can't look you in the eye.; And I'm really bored with that now.
Self transcendence 3100: 20 September 2008: Right, so there's jogging, and running, and 10ks and half marathons and marathons and then there's this piece of nutcasemania.
The day Bush blinked: 20 September 2008: So, Bush is going to buy the bank's bad debt, and that makes the financiers happy.; In a free market, you are supposed to lose money if you make an error of judgment.; Now, it appears, at the point of a gun (you can't not pay your taxes), the American taxpayer is to pay for the mistakes the banks made.; It's the day the financiers were told "if you make a mistake, you'll still make money, don't worry, we'll force ordinary people to pay".; So now, the financiers are free to do it again. What was an adjustment and a re-think about risk and actually a feel good about getting back to finance that we understand is now a wonder about how to make money knowing that the risk is, ultimately, underwritten by you and me.; It's the day the financial markets overtly took control.; The financiers own us and our governments and we're screwed.
Astral projection: 18 September 2008: I've remembered the important thing I came here to blog. Astral projection. I'll do this quickly. Basically, my spiritual beliefs have been centered for years on some books I read during sixth form, borrowed from Long Eaton Library's occult section, about astral projection. Sylvan Muldoon and Hereward Carrington's The Projection of the Astral Body was one.; I think I read three books, one of which was a how-to. Basically astral projection is the idea that we have a soul that can separate from our physical bodies. It probably derives from the Hughie Green moment (yes, him again) where you're close to death in a road accident or operating theatre and your astral body separates from your physical one, hangs about above the scene and watches what goes on.; Now, the cool thing about this is that it's said that those who have had those experiences can remember details about the scene that they wouldn't otherwise know. That appealed to the scientist in me. If that could be proved, that would prove we have a soul. I mean, we can't prove all the God bullshit, but maybe we can prove we have a soul. Now that's interesting.; In the 'how-to', one idea was to separate from your body, wander next door, spot what's on their mantlepiece, then pop around the next day dressed in your physical body to verify what you saw. Science. Fabulous.; Then I read that once you've astrally projected once, it'll happen to you every now and then. And I read about some of his less pleasant experiences while doing it, and decided (very maturely, I thought) that I'll switch all that on when I'm 90. It'll get me out of the nursing home, physically or otherwise.; Then I read his further books in which he described various 'locales'. One roughly equivalent to heaven where you could feel colours and everyone knew everyone else. One roughly equivalent to hell which was a bit like being in a sea of pyrhanas where if you moved, they noticed you and came to bite your bits.; Then he found 'locale three' which appeared to be a sort of Flintstones inspired place where people travelled around in steam driven, wooden cars. So I kinda thought "this guy's a complete nutcase", but actually the idea of us having a soul and wandering off to wherever after we died seemed rather nice and I haven't been scared of dying since (although I've a few things to finish before I do, if that's OK with everyone).; I've blogged before that, having settled on that, I found myself not wishing to discuss it. Basically, that was my comfort blanket and I didn't actually care whether it was true or not, it made me feel better and I was happy. I guess that's how many people feel about their religion, and it's perhaps why it's so difficult to have a decent conversation about it.; Then along came neuroscience and said "hey, even your own consciousness is imaginary, it's all just invented by your head as a survival strategy". So I'm betwixt both at the moment.; Anyway, it turns out the boffins at Southampton University are going to work out if astral projection is true. So I suppose I'll see you back here in three years for the results.
New slogan for CFS: 18 September 2008: We've come up with a neat new slogan for sufferers of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: "CFS: wasting the best part of the day, every day".; The creators of this website (beware, it makes noises) think they have a way with words. I don't agree. I think it's so full of bullshit I can't even work out what country they are in. Interestingly, if you do listen to the soundtrack, spot the real person who sounds like Stephen Hawking's speech synthesiser.; If you happen to find yourself stranded and needing to hunt for food, near fresh water AND gourds, here's a tip. Float some gourds on the water until the waterfowl get used to them. Then, hollow out a gourd, make eyeholes, put it over your head, and float about in the water until you can get close to a duck. Then, pull it underwater by its feet and drown it for tea. This tip brought to you by the SAS survival handbook, just in case it might come in useful someday.; I came on here to say something really important and now I've forgotten what it was.
Oooh, very spammy: 10 September 2008: Have a look at this site. Interesting, you can see there's a load more 'page' by the scroll bars on the right, but somehow you can't scroll down to see what's there.; Switch Javascript off in your browser (it's usually in options or preferences somewhere). Now you can scroll and see all the links to the rest of their site.; Search engines don't do JavaScript and don't see images. So the search engines see all that stuff at the bottom, while we see the images at the top.; Very, very naughty indeed. This is the sort of thing Google tries to spot and filter out of the search results.; So, have their black-hat methods worked? Search for hair loss, their first choice of keyphrase. The Belgravia Centre is at about position 16, whereas theirs is nowhere to be seen.; Don't be tempted. Contribute to the Internet and you will be rewarded. Spam it, and you will be treated accordingly.; Don't forget to re-enable JavaScript in your browser.
The World Wide Web: 10 September 2008: I notice in the scientists' struggle to justify investment in enormous science projects such as firing men at the moon and throwing protons at each other underneath Switzerland, I've seen no-one mention that the World Wide Web was invented at CERN. So .. no big investment in CERN, no World Wide Web. The World Wide Web being mostly web pages and hyperlinks between them (although I believe the idea of hyperlinks goes back to Xerox PARC pre Apple and probably before that).; The Internet (the wiring and connection methodologies of the underlying infrastructure), of course, came out of US military research.; So. All hail big science and blowing things up. Otherwise I'd probably be working behind the counter at Argos.
More Manfat wierdness: 10 September 2008: Another Manfat Voodoo video: Our Lagoon. They are playing at 13:00 at the Acoustic Gathering on Sunday.
The dog's .....: 6 September 2008: The other night I had a meeting with a potential new graphic design partner and his new client to discuss a possible project. We sat for a while around a coffee table and computers at an L-shaped sofa, and then I moved to sit on the wooden floor opposite them as it seemed to make conversation easier.; Much of the conversation was between those two, and at one point the guy's dog appeared and came to me for some fuss. It was a small, cute dog, no idea what breed (and there doesn't seem to be an adequate dog breed identifier online).; Anyway, I fussed the dog for a bit, and whispered into its ear like I tend to. Its front legs kept slipping forward on the floor so I tried to put my foot in front so it could brace against it and relax. I tend to enjoy the rule that says to get along with the owner, make friends with the dog although I've been taking this to a bit of an extreme recently as you'll see and the other day down the pub we made the acquaintance of some new friends' 2 Lhasa Apsos to the extent, we feel, of actually excluding the owners. So there's a balance.; So. I'm fussing the dog. I tend to be quite energetic about it, dogs seem to like that, and while I'm doing that I'm watching my two colleagues in conversation. And it gradually occurred to me that I could feel a soft part of this dog and wasn't entirely sure which bit of it it was. Anyway, the dog seemed to be enjoying it, and when I looked down there was the face of adoration and gratitude that dogs do well. And the bit I'd found and been fussing was the dogs penis.; So. Let's summarise. I'd gone around to a new client and potential partner's house and while they talked business, I'd jerked off his dog.; I don't think they noticed.; But when the client turned to me and talked about the project through my mind that was occupied with other thoughts, I found a snort of laughter bubbling up that I managed to contain as a broad and hopefully charming smile.; So now I had a problem. I had a hand that had touched a dog's cock. I didn't really want to touch anything else with it until I'd washed it, particularly not the computer keyboard I'm currently typing on. So. Should I stop the meeting and say "excuse me, a funny thing just happened ... may I wash my hands?"; In the end, I opted for "can I just use your loo?"; You never know what's actually in someone's mind, but if they're smiling, it might be fun to ask.
How not to do it: 5 September 2008: Just checking competitors for a new website. Here's one. Now isn't that a lesson in how not to do a website? I haven't found anything right about it yet.; The things I dislike the most? All intros are bad. They are rude. It says "I know you came here for something, but I want some of your time first". I've seen it done well, once, where there was a real justification for stopping people and saying "Wait! You need to know this before you continue". Here, there's no such justification.; The menu options! What do they mean? What will happen when you press 'opportunity knocks'? Hughie Green and the man with the metal tray? Usability states that people should know what might happen when they click something, and that what they expect should actually happen, no surprises.; Click 'approach'. I'm none the wiser, and I've no idea what to click next. There are two moving things vying for my attention, and trying to click the plane is a game in itself. When I do, the text I'm supposed to be seeing is cut off at the bottom. It's a real struggle to work out how to get in touch with these people.; Yep, watch and learn folks. Whatever Up Front Business Development does, do something, anything, else.
Big Brother roundup: 5 September 2008: We've watched all of this series, and I've resisted, pretty much, commenting on it. But tonight's the final night, and what a depressing thought that is.; The choice we have is Rex, Sarah, Rachael, Michael or Darnell. I mean, you'd run .. literally get up and run .. from any one of them.; I can't forgive Rex or Darnell for their sins over the series. OK Rex has probably gone through quite a journey and he is getting more likeable. And I understand (much better now) that how kitchens work is people let rip at each other, but when the doors close it's all forgotten. It's lively, it's straight to the point, there's a lot of testosterone, but at the end of the day it doesn't really mean much. Admittedly when he's been horrible it's probably for sport. But he was, and is, incredibly controlling, and his relationship with Nicole is more like abuse, so he can't win.; Darnell has such a bad attitude to women that, he could be the second coming and saviour of all humanity and I wouldn't forgive him that. Rex and Darnell's hassling of Sarah about a week ago was unforgiveable. Darnell's attempts to bed Bex were despicable. So Darnell can't win.; Rachael's not false, she's just very, very scary. She's not normal, and I blame her upbringing.; Sarah's the only one I slightly like. If she'd only not been so needy she might be in with a chance. Oh, and it would be nice if she could sort out that Shaggy from Scooby Doo yodel of a voice, but otherwise :-); Onwards to Mikey. The odds say he's our winner, and I don't doubt it. He's been himself (always a major BB winning trait), he's said it like it is, and he's stood up to the bullies in the house. Sarah can't win because she's already won £25,000, so Mikey it is. But doesn't that just say it all. Mikey's been irritating from day one. You'd think if hearing is his major sense, he would employ some vocal intonation, but no. He bellows his opinions in long draining, suicide-would-be-nice monotones, repeating himself. Remember when the Americans poured rock music into some embassy in Panama to get Noriega to surrender? Mikey would be quicker "Wyll, ah think the Americans have the upper hand here, they've got the place surrounded so ah don't think Noriega will last the course. No, ah think Noriega's time has come. Noriega's going. Ah'd put money on it, ah wid. Ah'd put money on it. Yes, we'll see Noriega leaving the house shortly." Yes, yes, God yes, you made your point in the first sentence.; And, Christ, his eating habits make you want your mouth sewn up and to be fed intravenously from here on. He wasn't always blind, how come he's not aware that licking peanut butter off a spoon and then dipping into the communal jar again is disgusting? That eating with your mouth open is stomach heaving? You wouldn't want him round your house, he'd be feeling your dinner to see where the peas are.; And that, dear TV viewers, is the best that came out of Big Brother 9. And I watched it all.; Update: the public always chooses well, and Rachael was probably the best choice.
Craig Atkinson: 3 September 2008: Ain't this interesting in all sorts of ways. It seems to be an artist's showreel. Craig Atkinson's interesting. The site's interesting (I've not seen it before, despite uploading video to shedloads of video sites). The way the video's been put together's interesting. I heard of him by spotting that a Facebook friend had joined the Craig Atkinson group, so I heard of him through social networking, so it's a good example of how that works. So .. yers :-)
Ken Campbell: 1 September 2008: Ever since I saw Ken Campbell, I've never been able to remember his name. So even though he affected my life enormously (really, you can't help it), he's been missing from my blogs at the moments when I remembered parts of his work.; I saw a couple of his one-man shows, one here in Scarborough I think and maybe one in Nottingham.; Someone in our audience had a fit, a proper epileptic fit, during his show and he handled it beautifully. Another time someone got up to leave quite early in the show, "oh! well!", he said "the show gets much worse from here".; A few things stick in my mind. One was his description of the comedy festival in Halifax, Nova Scotia (I think) which ended with the ships in the harbour blowing their horns (do ships have horns?) in a co-ordinated way as part of a kind-of ships-horn composition. And didn't they wire-up the trees so they could sing along? I mean .. I just want to be there, forever.; He said someone had similarly wired up the tomatoes in their greenhouse and walked through the members of a police line-up, and the tomatoes identified the guilty man.; OK, I rail against non-science, against new age comfort nonsense, but the difference is .. Campbell wasn't proposing that we replace a jury with tomatoes, he was just being funny, being creative, being beautiful, having soul, engaging you, being fully human. And you can't buy that.; He managed to imbue where he went with magic. When he talked about the Camden bookshop near where he lived, I just wanted to live in Camden.; I never managed to say any of that to him. But I was recently trying to remember his name and wondering if he was touring again. Google wouldn't bring him up for the words "and that leaves enough room for the llamas", the phrase at the end of some car ad he did which was all I could come up with after trying to find him based on ship horns, tomatoes and Nova Scotia.; Sad, then, to hear that he died yesterday.; Here he is talking about nothing and everything. It's worth watching parts 2 and 3 too.; Ken Campbell; Update: there's a Facebook group seemingly set up in the wake of this news where people are recounting their experiences with him. One remembers his effective stage direction: "how dare you bore me??!!??!!!", and someone else I read today somewhere recounted him saying in a similar situation "sorry if I'm rude, but it's quicker". My favourite (with apologies to Terry Johnson and Rachel Starshine Robinson for my outright thievery, but if I don't it'll go below the fold and you (readers of my blog .. yes you) probably won't read it anyway (but do .. read them all): "Sitting in a greasy spoon, Ken pushing away an empty plate and rising from the table just as a fella walks in with a goat on a rope. Ken sits back down and picks up the menu. 'Well' he says; 'If there's a goat, I think I'll have pudding.'". Made me larf. Join 'Ken Campbell changed my life' and get better.